After reading a significant article by @jan_murray about being a mum and having a career and then minutes after an article about the critisicm of older women having babies in @StylistMagazine I began to question women, especially why we don’t encourage women to be successful women. To understand that the definition of ‘success’ varies depending on what women you speak to.
This is a big question indeed.
Women, not girls, grown women.
Why do we behave the way we do?
I don’t mean the women we see on those oh so wonderfully edited TV shows, where one minute two women are throwing drinks at each other and the next minute they are booking a spa day together. I’m describing real women, those who work silly hours, those who are conscious of their grey hair, credit card bills, mortgage payments.
I would happily class myself as one of these women. I own a business and work with my husband four days a week, have two young children and a dog. Life is constantly busy with voluntary work, school shows, extra-curricular activities and social events. The pressure can be enormous and so I make things as easy as possible. Online shopping is, as far as I’m concerned, the most amazing invention ever! (Thank you @Ocado) Although I cook, the kids are still subject to fish fingers or pizza and as well as homemade meat pies and soup, there are ready meals in my freezer. These time-saving aids are wonderful and help me without a doubt, but the biggest support for me, is the people around me.
Women helping women
And it is these people, not only my family, but my friends as well who make my life run that little bit smoother and most of these friends are women. My friends pick up and drop of my kids at school, parties, events and I reciprocate. We organise play dates over the school holidays where we can moan about the kids/work and chat about whatever we want to. My friends are there to console, advise and confide in. Yet not all women are like this and I fully appreciate my friends who are there for me, regardless of geographical distance. My new- mum or child free friends (many who live in different cities to me) are always there at the end of the phone.
But why aren’t all women as encouraging?
Recently I have encountered some women who make me feel that I am 13 again. In fact I didn’t even encounter such, and I use this word purposely, ‘bitchiness’ during my teenage years. They talk behind peoples back, upset others and are generally very negative towards other women. Why? Why is that that we cannot assist and support women, helping them to be successful women, helping to be the best women they can be?
Why do these women feel the need to belittle others?
Is it jealousy? Insecurity? Does judging other women make them, somehow, feel better about themselves?
I teach my little girl to play with all the children in her class. If she doesn’t like a certain child, then she just won’t play with him or her. (She is 6 so her friends change on a weekly basis) Whilst I don’t expect to be BFFs with all the women I encounter, my rule is quite simple; If you don’t like me then that’s fine. There is no need to be mean, rude or judgmental. I can ‘play’ with whom I want when I want, as can other women. Working mums can work when they want, they can attend whatever school concerts they like and join in activities when they want to. There are the same options for those women who do not work.
My rule does not make me perfect.
Shock revelation- I am guilty of being a bitchy mum. I have, in the past, muttered words under my breath and talked to other mums about the behaviour of those I do not like. Aware of this hurtful and negative aspect of my personality it soon stopped. This does not mean that I now magically like these women, it just means that I am civil to them when I need to be. I’m not rude and would never publicly criticise. They too are doing their best and my disapproval does not help anyone.
In that vein, my new year’s resolution, is to spread cheer and not smear.
I hope that other women can do the same.
Let us help and not hinder.
Support is so important- just like a good bra.
Once we support and encourage successful women I am certain there will be more women CEOs, running counties, and being entrepreneurs. This is what we should be concentrating on.
Helping women to achieve their goals whatever they may be.
For now, my goals are;
expanding my business
getting my kids to tidy their room
getting my husband to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and not the sink
making the perfect chocolate cake (this goal is the closest to being completed!)
whilst continuing to support other women the best I can. We have enough crazy in our lives, to know that we are endorsed and strengthened by other women helps dilute the crazy into something more manageable.
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This post was written by The Repairs By Post Team H